Thank you for your kind words.
I still love my boyfriend very much and am hurting so much right now.
He seemed to be coping, albeit a bit distant here and there and was rather snippy with his mum, but we seemed ok.
However two weekends ago it would have been his dads birthday and I spent practically the entire weekend with him...even going to the cemetry with him and his mum. He was so angry at his mum and everything she said provoked his temper so we went away for the day and met up with some of his friends.
He started his new job the next day and that week he seemed tired, but I put it down to his new job being really physical. However the Saturday he disappeared for ages before turning up really late that night. I was a little annoyed as I felt that without warning I had been bumped to the bottom of the pile but bit my tongue as it was the first month anniversary.
Despite being tired he kept hugging me and telling me he loved me as usual ~ nothing majorly out of the ordinary. We made plans to do something on the Sunday, but he never called so I texted him and it turned out he was out somewhere and had obviously forgotten. I was hurt and then later on I found out my Uncle had died so I texted him saying I was sorry but I really could do with a hug and telling him why.
I heard nothing so left it till the next day ~ he wouldnt answer his phone. The next day at lunchtime I checked my phone and he said he needed space and couldnt deal with our relationship right now as he needed to go and do whatever whenever, but in a few months time perhaps we could try again and that he was really sorry for letting me down. He did start the message with his nickname for me which gives me the hope that he still loves me.
Yes Im heartbroken I love him so much and I still believe he is the one. I honestly think looking back that he is playing hide and seek with his grief...if he pushes everyone away then it wont hurt, his life isn't going the way he wants it so he's gonna make everyone else around him hurt instead.
He agreed to talk but keeps saying in a few days in a few days so things aren't as painful. Ive had enough of waiting, I need to talk to him for myself as much as him and the pain isn't getting better its getting harder to deal with.
I was thinking of trying to get him to see that hes hurting others. That his mum has lost not only a husband but her son as well as hes pushing her away and is never at home these days and I dont think she can talk to him without provoking him.
How do I royally kick his backside and make him see that hes not helping himself and hurting others in a way that will work? I want him back as well and I want to be there and to support and to help him but its sort of difficult when he wont let me. And what hurts most of all that hes indulging in Ostrich syndrome instead of dealing with his grief...and I know his dad would be really disappointed in the way hes treating people lately but short of telling him that I don't really know how to go about it.